we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
