Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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