We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
