ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Randomize
