ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
