i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
