This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
