Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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