My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
meet me or not, i'm out of control
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
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