You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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