i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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