so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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