Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
