I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize