Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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