these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
