Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
