just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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