who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
