i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
