im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
