Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
