I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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