If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
