I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
