I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
