WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
