It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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