i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
