i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
