I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
