I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
