well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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