Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
