Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
