she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
