i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
