I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
