apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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