...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
