New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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