Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
