Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Help me help you realize you are a moron
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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