you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
