You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
