so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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