Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize