they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
