you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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