i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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