Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
