My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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