my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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