My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize