happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
