i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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