I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
