Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
