Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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