I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
