the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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