god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
