like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I can't turn off my feet"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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