Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
