you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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