how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
