Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
