She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
