remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
