i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
