she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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