When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
