Just fell off a train. Bad.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Enjoy the penises
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
