Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
