2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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