Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
