dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Randomize
