We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
