I accidentally had phone sex last night
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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