you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
