Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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