Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You don't make any sense
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