i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
