Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
